I Can't Win
by zhane500
Summary: Human AU. Explaining why Rigby has bags under his eyes and is so short. Rated for dark themes and sexual content. I WARNED YOU! Also, I own nothing but the story idea and the content. Read and review but above all else ENJOY!


**I Can't Win: Morby Story**

**Disclaimer:**

**I own absolutely nothing and make no profit from this story and have written it because I wanted to. I don't own a damn thing but he story. So please don't sue me.**

**Warning:**

**This story is AU and Yaoi (B/B, BL, Gay as a bag of glitter from Gaga!) and is rated for a reason. So if you may be disturbed by something like this, please ****remember that you clicked on this knowing what it was. Don't blame the cat, you did it! Remember that, you sick freak…**

_Rigby's Dreams/memories_

"_Speech in dreams/memories"_

_**Narrator's inner thoughts**_

~#~

**Rigby's POV**

_**I can't sleep. I've tried.**_

_**Pills don't stop the dreams so I take more. **_

_**Take too many I end up in the ER.**_

_**I just can't win, so I stay awake. **_

_**So I can hide.**_

I'm short, have been since I was 14. Doc said trauma stunted my growth and I for one agree with him. 14 was a bad year and it hurt all ove-

"Rigby! Dude we have work come on." That charming voice coming from my sexy, blue haired best friend Mordocai is more than enough to get me out of bed.

"Ok I'm up, damn. Toss me a shirt will ya?" he complies in a huff but then stops moving all together, oh boy here it comes…

"You didn't sleep did last night did you?" I fucking hate that question and the look that comes with it. The 'Dude really' look. It makes me sick even from Mordocai.

"No I didn't. Let's just go to work dude."

Time Skip~

I've been in love with Mordocai sense I was like 10, which pretty much means I'm a flaming homo, not going to deny it. I never told him though 'cause he has a hard-on for some big-titted red head bitch who is too busy fucking any muscle brained piece of shit that is willing to slum with her than to just notice the honest affection of my best friend. Can you believe that shit? I know I can't either. Honestly it bugs me how she thinks that a red-head with big tits is a rarity in a suburb. What's worse is that she tricked MY Mordocai into her evil clutches! Its just wrong plain and simple.

Now I'm mad, great a look at Mordo will cheer me up- oh shit Benson is talking! I don't need him on my back right now, he's gonna nag me on me for not sleeping again.

"…and Rigby have you been sleeping? You look like shit." He is so concerned and I know I shouldn't but, I know I have to lie to him. Better make it a good one.

"Heck yeah I slept! I had this kickass dream where Mordo and I were rock stars just rocking out at Rock Fest and you were there like 'KEEP PLAYIN' OR YOU'RE FIRED!' It was righteous Boss man you should have seen it!" I manage to say with as much enthusiasms as a spoiled brat on Christmas. Benson just nods and walks off. Leaving me alone to deal with a very pissed off bluenette.

"Why'd you lie like that? You know you didn't sleep last night."

"Dude, step off. I'm not in the mood for you to get all judge-y and shit, Mordocai."

"Dude I'm not getting judgmental, I'm just worried about you. When is the last time you-"

"Last month."

"RIGBY! You need sleep or you'll die! You have sleeping pills, are they not working!? Have you been taking the proper dosage?"

"I haven't been taking them so chill."

"You will tonight."

"Let's go play some video games!" I call after I try to run but sadly he grabs me and pulls me to him with a hard yank. I look up at him and take in the sight before me, how his sapphire eyes have now become slits, how his brow creases, how his biceps get really tight, and how hard he is holding my arm in his hand. I'm forced to suppress a moan at his sexy aggressive side that I rarely get to see.

"You. Will. Take. Them. Even if I have to tie you down and shove them down you throat, Rigs. I refuse to watch you kill yourself, got it?" It's so rare for Mordocai to scare me that I choose to just comply with whatever it is he says for me to do.

"Ok, I got it." I sound meeker than I'd like but noticing how Mordocai instantly brightened and let me go, it didn't really matter.

"Good. Race you to the golf cart? On your mark…GO!"

"Cheater!" I called to him as I run to catch up and smile for the first real time that day.

Time Skip~

He's glaring at me, I wonder what he'd do if I licked him abs. Bet he'd stop glaring then.

"Take the pills, Rigs." Mordocai barks at me for the third night in a row.

I take 'em dry and open my mouth to show him the pills are gone. I wonder if he ever has the urge to shove his dick in my mouth. Damn I would love it if he'd fuck my face. I'm such a slut for him and he doesn't even know it.

"Good, now catch some zs, Rigbone. I'll see ya in the AM." He says with a smile as he lies down.

_It's bright. Her, flesh glistening under the florescent light bulb dangling above the table. Him, panting above her with a knife held tight against her throat as she lies to me._

"_It'll be okay baby. It will… Mami will..." she forces a weak smile, he rams into her and cums._

_She gasps._

_He slits her throat._

_She spasms._

_Blood sprays everywhere._

_He pulls out of her wrecked womb making the pungent stench in the room all the more vile. He looks at me and smiles. All I can say as he discards the dirty knife and condom _

_And his dick hardens again _

_And his grin widens _

_And he stalks closer._

"_Papi please don't. I'll be good…"_

I wake up looking at the ceiling as I have for the past three days. The pain from all those years ago coming back in full force, I know its all in my head but I still don't want to move. I will how ever turn so I can look at Mordocai until he wakes up seconds before the alarm like everyday. I stare at him memorizing tiny details about Mordocai that only I could know.

Like how, contrary to popular belief, his hair fades for baby blue in the front to navy in the back, something that can only be seen when his hair is down. Or how long his eyelashes are against his skin, which stays pale no matter how much time he spends in the sun. Or how he rolls around in bed so much that his blankets always end up on the floor, giving the best sight this earth has to offer.

Mordocai in boxers. It's pervy to say, I know but the shape of his pale muscles just make you want to stare. Then there are all of his tattoos. I never understood the black rings on his fingers but I also never asked. The sleeves he had done told stories from his wrist to his shoulders. If I remember correctly it was the story of Frankenstein being chased by a mob into a burning windmill on his left arm. On his right arm is Little Red's grandma's house burning down and the wolf being chased to a waterfall by the lumber jack. Both are very interesting tattoos with metaphorical meanings that only Mordocai and his tattoo artist will understand, but my favorite tat was the one on his back. It's a bigass skull with a cobra worming through it and tribal markings behind the whole scene. It was his first tattoo and he only got to piss off his parents for not letting him dye his hair blue.

I love the skull not because the design is epic but because of how tight he held my hand while getting it done. The entire thing took like 6 hours and the whole time Mordocai held my hand and rambled about how this was the dumbest most awesome thing he would ever do and how happy he was to share that moment with me, his best friend. If it where possible I fell for him even more in that moment of 17 year old rebellion than at any given moment of my existence. I know he would tell me anything and yet here I am keeping the biggest secrets of my life from the love of my life.

I have to tell him about how my mother **really** died, why I can't sleep, and pray he doesn't try to get me institutionalized then tell him I'm gay and head over heels for him. Piece of cake. I'll do it today, it is our day off after all.

Time Skip~

"Okay Rigs, why are we in the middle of the woods and not at the coffee shop? Especially on a day that Margaret works." I swear one day I'm going to hit that bitch in the teeth if she keeps stealing my moments!

"Dude! This is important so I'm gonna need you to focus on me. No one else, **just me**. Okay?" I give him the most serious look I can muster right now with out crying.

"Alright Rigs, you have me. Full undivided, tell me what's up."

With that I told him my tale and observed his face as it changed while I explained. How his brow creased in concern about my mother. How he grit his teeth when I told him what happened to me after my mother was murdered. How white his knuckles were as I described the following years of my teenage life. How flushed his face was when I told him I'm gay partially due to my father using me as a replacement for my deceased mother. How beautiful he is when he's angry is something that I'll only know.

"That's why I can't sleep." His face at that moment was unreadable, even for me.

"Why…" The question came as more of a whisper.

"Why, what?" Mordocai looked up at me then. I could see his anger and concern mixing in his eyes weirdly before he answered me with more bass in his voice.

"Why'd your Dad kill you Mother?"

"Because Don isn't his kid. My mom had an affair with some random guy and Dad didn't take it too well. Dad loves Don and would never tell him the truth 'because that would break his heart."

"So instead of filling for divorce like a normal human being he rapes and kills her in front of his oldest child!? What kind of sense does that fucking make!"

Now he is ranting. I **should **be paying attention but I don't want too. I'm far too happy that he hasn't once said the word whore. All Mordocai is really doing is insulting my mom and dad while focusing on how fucked my childhood was and how he didn't see the signs. Great now he's beating himself up, I make my way over to him and hug my blued haired friend.

"It's not your fault Cai, I hadn't come to terms with what happened yet so I didn't tell you until I was ready for it. I'm sorry." I speak to him softly in that motherly tone that I used on Don or my Father after a bad dream.

"How do you not hate him? After what he did to you after all those years you've never said a single bad thing about him."

The only thing I can think to say to answer such a question.

"I can't win." Finally the tears came like rain after a long drought. "I want to hate him and at first I did b...but then after the funeral he was different! He wasn't rough a…and he was nice to me again and the way…the way he look at me. He loved me and only me! No one else! I was the only person he touched after mom. Don couldn't take Dad away from me, no one could! And I know how that sounds a…and I know that he only loved me just because I was the closest to mom he could get but I can't hate! I just can't…win…"

Now it's me being held and sobbing into Modocai's arms. Right now I'm just enjoying how good it feels to let it all out before he shoves me away disgusted. I knew it was coming when he pushed me off him but instead of being upset he kissed my forehead.

"Rigby that is the most horrible thing I've ever heard. And the fact that it warped you so much only shows how much of a monster your father really is. I love you dude, so don't worry I'm here for you." I kissed him, feeling his soft lips on mine was like heaven on earth but I could tell he didn't feel the same.

"I didn't mean it that way Rigby, I'm not-"

"I know, but when I say I love you I mean it that way. I want you and only you Mordocai."

He just got up and walked away. I laid down on the grass and looked at the clear blue sky and wept, seeing his confused face and remembering the feel of his lips and adding it to the list of things that only I know about Mordocai.

**Mordocai's POV**

_**I feel so fucked up right now.**_

_**My best friend is in turmoil and I can't help.**_

_**Plus he tells me the most horrifying news ever, and I run away!**_

_**I can't win…**_

Let me get this straight, my best friend of my whole life and body was violated by his father, who killed his mother, who had an affair, resulted in the conception of Don, who knows nothing of any of this. Got it? Great! What the fuck am I going to do, I want to be there for Rigby but I need to get my head right. I'm going to go get some coffee.

"Hey Mordocai, where's Rigby?" Chirped from my arch angel, Margaret. I swear she is so awesome I mean the girl can make a decent cup of coffee and still rock out. And her lips were…smeared.

"Margaret you lipstick is smeared." I already knew how and at times like this I wish I had some one who loved me at least half as much as I liked this slut, then I'll be golden.

What do I see in her, again? I mean I can't have a conversation with her and I can't talk about life with and I can't deal with her gabbing without my mind wondering. On top of that he works in a fucking Café and takes ten minutes to make one cup of black coffee because she spends five minutes talking and two minutes primping and two actually doing her fucking job and making my coffee! Rigby can make a cup faster and would smoother.

Hell the taste alone is just…wow. It's like a mosh pit in your mouth and sleep and stress are the only things getting trampled. I don't know what it is honestly I think its 'cause he's Columbian and their coffee is the best ever. Rigby in general is the best thing ever. He loves the same shitty music I listen too, he stands at a cute 5'4'' making me look even taller at 5'11'', he turns red when embarrassed, and he has this caramel skin and full lips. His lips, for a guy they are surprisingly soft and plump. And I know I should feel disgusted that a guy kissed me but I don't. Rigby's lips on mine felt right, they felt good and for a second nothing felt like it mattered.

What the fuck, I look up at Margaret, who is now leaning over the counter giving me a perfect view down her shirt, and usually I would nod and quietly enjoy the view but right now. The chest I want to feel is flat and small with a chocolate colored nipples and a tribal heart across his left pec. I want to see his naked body with his small frame and his bubble butt and thick thighs built from his four years of running varsity track in high school, I want to hold him and tell him everything will be okay, and kiss him! Yeah kissing him would be awesome and gay… am I gay? No way right? I like girls and boobs and ass and Rigby has an amazing ass its so round and… fuck! Am I gay? no impossible I'll just look around and see if I see something I like.

"MY MOOOM! WHOOO!" Muscle man twirled his shirt around and giggled his man boobs on top of a table.

I nearly vomit out my soul at the sight of that horror; yea I'm defiantly not gay. I just have an exception for adorable short Columbian guys that have sleeping problems and soft hair and run track and look amazing in skinny jeans and kiss like a sex god and damn. Rigby is an amazing kisser, I mean I'm a good kisser but he is on a level all his own he is just, damn when did my pants get so tight? I glance down to see the bulge forming in my pants. FUCK! I'm half hard at a Café in front of Margaret thinking about a guy! What the serious fuck!?

"Here's your coffee, Mordo. So how are you today?"

"I got to go bye." I slammed down the money and ran out.

Time Skip~

I ran into the house and didn't see him anywhere, so I ran back out to the woods and there he was, lying in the grass. He looked so at peace and calm his skin was relaxed and he looked so cute. I knew I wanted him, I knew I wanted to be with him, or at least I didn't want to have to leave him ever again. He looked at me and the he smiled with no light in his eyes he looked hollow. That hurt more than anything I've ever seen in my life. I sat next to him and looked at in his eyes that seemed to follow my every movement.

"I'm sorry for running away earlier, that was rude and inappropriate. I was just kind of freaked out I mean it all just came of too much at one time and I'm not gay." He turned his head and looked at me hopeful and curious. "I just like you, like I don't want to lose you, and no matter what happens I never want you to feel like you have no one to turn to. You have me Rigby, I won't say I love you in the same way you mean it but I am willing to fall for you if you'll let me."

"14 years…" his voice was light and almost inaudible.

"What?" He tackled me and attacked my neck with his hellish mouth. I like this, I really like this. I sure as hell could get used to this. His hands started going south and I started to panic. "Wait, wait Rigs umm dude what are you doing? I don't think now is a right time."

"I have been in love with you for 14 years and I have wanted to have sex for… since puberty and I refuse to wait. We're doing this and were doing it now!"As if to emphasize that point he ripped my shirt off and started at my belt buckle like a beast driven only by his own lust.

"I get that but I have never done it with a guy. And I don't know if I could take something like **this** right now. Ya know what I mean?" he looked a little hurt by what I said but I couldn't just hold it in. Then I heard a rip. He destroyed my belt, great just great! "What the fuck, Rigby!? Can't we wait? You know, have a relationship? Be boyfriends for a while, go out. You know the whole nine yards?"

"**SINCE PUBERTY MORDOCAI!** No I'm not waiting! Fuck you and that idea! I want you right here right now! Stop me again and I'll tie you up, ¿comprende? *No hay más preguntas apuntan período en blanco!*" How flawlessly he switched to Spanish was sexy as hell, so I just nodded and shut up.

Now I'm laying here trying to mentally prepare for what ever many happen to me, seeing how aggressive Rigby is being I might end up getting fucked. That's defiantly something I'm not prepared for damn and we're outside too and uh! Well that's nice what's he doing? I looked down and Rigby was licking my dick and he was really good at it too. I propped up on my elbows and watched him as he slow took me into his hot mouth and bobbed his head with quickness. It felt out of this would with how he sped up and slowed down at just the right times all while looking at me dead in my eyes.

I wanna say it can't get any better than it this but as he takes me down his throat, it does. Frankly I'm impressed and modified with how he can do that to 10 inches but as instructed I shut the hell up. As I'm feel my lower abdomen coil in that oh so familiar way I try to warn him but he stops before I get a chance to even blow. I give deep groan to show my disapproval in his stopping at the good part. He just looks and laughs a little before standing up and slowing starting to strip above me.

I could be invited to the playboy mansion right now and be allowed to watch the bunnies have a wet t-shirt contest and Rigby stripping would still be the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life. He slowly slid out of both of his shirts exposing his small frame with low definition. I licked all over his body with my eyes and I'm pretty sure Rigs could tell 'cause he shivered as he started to undo his cargos. When he dropped his pants I felt my dick twitch, I swear he is so fucking sexy right now. From his cute round face with flawless skin, his chocolate brown eyes now almost black with complete lust, his fat lips that I want to bite next time I kiss him then there is his body. Oh Zeus, his body! I could always tell that Rigby had a small build but the fact that he had thick thighs and a round ass actually gave him the illusion of wide hips in comparison! I would probably think he was a flat chested girl had it not been for his dick between him legs that I could clearly tell was smaller than mine. Shit if he wanted to fuck me it might not hurt that bad(might), but Rigs is hairless and just plain sex so I honestly don't care what he does to so long as he does it soon 'cause I'm dying here waiting.

"You ready for what comes next Cai?" he asked me with a heavy accent that I hadn't heard in years. My dick twitches again.

"Y…Yea Rigs lets do **it**." I can notice my voice is noticeably huskier and Rigby seems to like it 'cause he jumps on me and we start kissing, and as promised I bite his bottom lip and suck on it causing Rigby to squirm and moan into my mouth. With that I say to hell with letting him lead, if I don't fuck soon I'm going to kill someone.

I slowly move my hands down his back and rest them on his ass, while I move my mouth to his neck and lick, bite, and suck 'till he is properly marked as mine. The little noises he makes are delicious to me as I devour him. Slowly I move one of my hands closer to his hole but he sits up and grabs my wrist and stops me. Dammit I guess really is going to fuck **me**, that sucks 'cause he totally looks like the girl.

"No need for that, Azulejo. I loosened up earlier all you gotta do is enjoy." Never mind, I'm doing the fucking. I was right he **is** the girl! Thank you Lord!

All I can do is hiss when he grabs my dick, which I hadn't realized was actually hurting, and guided it to his entrance. We both moan as I enter him. Rigby's ass is hotter than his mouth and far tighter, this is the definition of perfect. Rigs starts to move after he adjusted to my size, and before long he is bouncing up and down in a slow rythym. Way too fucking slow for me! I hook my arms under his knees and flip us over. I start up at a break neck pace, fucking him hard and deep as he cries out in a mix of English and Spanish. I look as his face and it is fucking beautiful Rigby with his mouth agape, a line of drool going down his chin, face totally flushed , tears falling, and his eyes blown wide open with pure drive to take me. I can feel myself getting close to the edge with his expression alone, wordlessly I re-angle and start to go even faster. Before long Rigby screams my name and cums all over himself, his walls spasm and clench around me, giving me that last push over the edge and I erupt into Rigby's tight ass. I nearly collapse on him luckily I caught myself on my elbows and kiss him again. I really like kissing Rigby.

We lay in there catching our breath and Rigby is the first to break the silence. "Azulejo? Where did you learn to fuck like that?"

"Experience? Or maybe instinct? I don't know I always fuck like that." Silence "Rigby? What does _**Aselho**_ mean?"

" _**Azulejo**_ means bluebird." He says smoothly correcting me, " It's something I just like to call you when you're not around. Everyone calls you by modifications of your name, I wanted to be original in my nickname for you. Something only I call you, Azulejo."

"Azulejo? I like it."

We lay in the grass in comfortable silence for a while just enjoying all the warmth of each other. Nothing could ruin this moment right now. Just one problem with this peace.

I'm hard again.

Time Skip~

**Rigby's POV: Endprologe**

_**I can't sleep. I've tried.**_

_**Pills don't stop the dreams so I take more.**_

_**That doesn't help so I get in bed with Mordocai.**_

_**I can't sleep, alone.**_

Its been three months sense I told Mordocai everything and in that time we started dating and its been awesome! Mordo is the best boyfriend ever! He spoils me all the time in public and at work, he didn't care about what people said about us because I was his so he'll show me off when he wants to. That said Azulejo is super possessive and jealous, one time this guy asked me was I single and Mordocai broke a coffee pot over the guy's head… It was epic and the fact that he was Margaret's current boyfriend made it all the more enjoyable. I even have more things to add to my list of things that only I know about Mordocai.

Like how he prefers me to wear skinny jeans to show off my legs and ass. Or like how Mordocai can cum 7 times a day and, that he cums a lot every time. Or like how his eyebrows twitch when he is about to cum. Or like how Mordocai finds my prostate on the first try every time we fuck, first time is included in that list. Or like how he likes rimming and will do so at the drop of a hat, which he did when I was mad at him one time and refused to look at him, the man had me bent over the dresser speaking in tongues. Or like how Mordocai had a serious language fetish, like if I speak in Spanish around him at all his dick will spring up as if it was cued, it's the best thing ever. Or like how Mordocai likes to make out more than the sex itself. It's really kinda cute.

Honestly I can't say I'm over what happened to me as a kid and I know one day I will have to face my father but until then, I'm going to love Mordocai with every ounce of my being and look forward to my future with him. I really do love my sweet Azulejo!

**END **

**A/N**

**Translation: *No more questions, Point blank period!***

**Thank you for reading I love all of you sick freaks!**


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